Conscious, positive choices

As an educator for 31 years, I loved my career. The concrete evidence of the direct impact I had on my students drove me forward every day, regardless of what role I was in. That’s what it’s all about, and should be.

Yet, there is conflict, too often. Whatever our profession, conflict is part of life. Not only in the world of work, but in our own homes. Aren’t conflicts a good thing? Shouldn’t they drive us to discussions and deeper understandings of the issue and possible resolutions? Without them, how would any organization move forward? Differences of opinion are wonderful and needed, but when we react and don’t use the tools at our disposal, the end result is increased worry, stress levels and negative affects on our own health. How do we take personal control and rise above it?

Awareness. The first step to facing conflict has to be becoming aware of our personal responses in any given situation. Do we engage in the negative dialogue in the lunchroom and perpetuate the downward spiral? Do we complain about co-workers, family members or neighbours? Do we argue with our partners over things that are inconsequential? Why do we initiate or engage in negativity?

What if? What if the next time someone tries to pull us into their own conflict, we choose to not engage? Do we choose to not enter that downward spiral? Do we choose to become aware that participating may have negative consequences? What if we could become aware that our own actions could be the cause of conflict before it even starts? I’m not suggesting we walk away from issues that matter, but how much of the stress in our lives is avoidable by conscious choice?

Over the holidays my husband and oldest son began a conversation about the pros and cons of proportional representation in Canadian politics. They are polar opposites, and needless to say, they each spoke their piece. I caught myself wanting to jump in, getting upset over some of the arguments that went against what I believed was right. I entered “defensive mode,” so to say. Because I caught myself, I immediately made a decision to not engage, but to listen and ask questions. I listened to understand, stopping myself from becoming upset. It made a difference. The conversation continued while I agreed to disagree with some, but not all of the points that were made.

I made a conscious decision not to engage and “argue” my points, finding middle ground. My blood pressure stayed steady, with no anger, no stress. I continued to enjoy our time together throughout the evening. No one walked away, upset about something we each care about.

As we move through our day, we can learn to be aware of what we bring to any given situation. We can pause before engaging and consider what other options are at our disposal. We can reset our reactionary mode by learning to be aware and making the conscious choice to rise above what is pulling ourselves and others down. We won’t only decrease our own stress levels, but those around us and maybe, just maybe… change the outcome to a positive one!

If I asked, "What is your number one priority in life, at this very moment in time?" what would be your answer?

I posted this question on my Twitter page and was not surprised by the number one response - 53% stated it was "my family".  I would have answered exactly the same way a few years ago, but not any longer.

Pardon? I don't value my family as my number one priority? I wish it were that easy. When I was diagnosed with a brain tumour, do you think I could say that my family was #1? Of course, I could if I were living in a fantasy world.  The tables had turned. Whether I wanted to be there for them or not, it really wasn't a choice. My health immediately became OUR priority. I was blessed to have a family that wrapped around me and supported what I needed, every minute of every day. As we coped with the diagnosis, the medications, the medical opinions, craniotomy and...and... and...  It went on and on. I could not drive, cook, cheer on my children during their sports events, meet a teacher, was easily confused when they spoke to me, lacked short and long- term memory. How in the world did they do it? My husband and three teenage children jumped into the roles of protectors, schedulers and chauffeurs. Bottom line - my health became THE priority for every single one of us.

Should that priority have changed as I recovered and stepped back into the role of mother and wife? Maybe, but it hasn't. Without my health, I know I cannot be there for my family as I would want to be. I've seen the other side of the fence all too clearly. I will do anything within my power to never be thrown over it again, separated from those I cherish the most in my life.

It has become "normal" in this crazy society to leave the house first thing in the morning and juggle countless things every day. Why can't we take 1/2 hour to ourselves?  1/2 hour to sit on a bench and enjoy the view and sounds of nature and those around us?  1/2 to close the door and enjoy time reading a book, listening to a podcast, watching a comedy show? 1/2 hour to take a long bath listening to the music we love? 1/2 hour to regroup or take a walk! We deserve nothing less. Run, run, run. Really?

My health is my priority so I can be here for my family in every way possible, as long as possible. People talk about "balance" in their lives? What does that even mean? The definition is different for everyone. From my perspective, balance comes with time every day to focus on health - whether that is physical, emotional or spiritual. It shouldn't be considered selfish, but expected.

Six years ago, my answer to the question would have been, "My family".  Not anymore. My family is my world but I can no longer take my health for granted. I'll be here to meet, hold and love my grand babies - If I have anything to say about it!

"The present time has one advantage of every other - it is our own." (Charles Caleb Colton)