Conscious, positive choices

As an educator for 31 years, I loved my career. The concrete evidence of the direct impact I had on my students drove me forward every day, regardless of what role I was in. That’s what it’s all about, and should be.

Yet, there is conflict, too often. Whatever our profession, conflict is part of life. Not only in the world of work, but in our own homes. Aren’t conflicts a good thing? Shouldn’t they drive us to discussions and deeper understandings of the issue and possible resolutions? Without them, how would any organization move forward? Differences of opinion are wonderful and needed, but when we react and don’t use the tools at our disposal, the end result is increased worry, stress levels and negative affects on our own health. How do we take personal control and rise above it?

Awareness. The first step to facing conflict has to be becoming aware of our personal responses in any given situation. Do we engage in the negative dialogue in the lunchroom and perpetuate the downward spiral? Do we complain about co-workers, family members or neighbours? Do we argue with our partners over things that are inconsequential? Why do we initiate or engage in negativity?

What if? What if the next time someone tries to pull us into their own conflict, we choose to not engage? Do we choose to not enter that downward spiral? Do we choose to become aware that participating may have negative consequences? What if we could become aware that our own actions could be the cause of conflict before it even starts? I’m not suggesting we walk away from issues that matter, but how much of the stress in our lives is avoidable by conscious choice?

Over the holidays my husband and oldest son began a conversation about the pros and cons of proportional representation in Canadian politics. They are polar opposites, and needless to say, they each spoke their piece. I caught myself wanting to jump in, getting upset over some of the arguments that went against what I believed was right. I entered “defensive mode,” so to say. Because I caught myself, I immediately made a decision to not engage, but to listen and ask questions. I listened to understand, stopping myself from becoming upset. It made a difference. The conversation continued while I agreed to disagree with some, but not all of the points that were made.

I made a conscious decision not to engage and “argue” my points, finding middle ground. My blood pressure stayed steady, with no anger, no stress. I continued to enjoy our time together throughout the evening. No one walked away, upset about something we each care about.

As we move through our day, we can learn to be aware of what we bring to any given situation. We can pause before engaging and consider what other options are at our disposal. We can reset our reactionary mode by learning to be aware and making the conscious choice to rise above what is pulling ourselves and others down. We won’t only decrease our own stress levels, but those around us and maybe, just maybe… change the outcome to a positive one!

It's Launch Day! This is the day we’ve been waiting for with anticipation!

For the last two months, we’ve been working behind the scenes to build a powerful platform and a brand new website. My memoir, “Steering Through It” was the beginning of this journey. Writing the book allowed me to move forward in many ways after my illness. But what happened afterward has been the driving force! I’ve met and gotten to know so many people around the world in the last year: fellow authors, entrepreneurs, survivors, caregivers, professional speakers and…and..and… These networks are exciting places to be as we all learn, inspire and grow with each other. Welcome to Lynn McLaughlin Co.

We now offers several options to you:

1.

Public speaking has become near and dear to my heart. We each have the power within us to make positive choices and changes in our lives - today! It comes down to whether or not we choose to do so.

2.

When I wrote my first book, I was naive enough to think I could navigate the world of editing, publishing, marketing, promotion and… and… and.. It’s far too complex. If you are a writer/author, take a look at the consulting page. I’m thrilled to offer you an opportunity so you don’t have to struggle the way I did.

3.

I continue to write and am publishing another book this spring! It's very different than the first and I can’t wait to share it with you!

Building this website would not have been possible without the expertise of Francis Yap, Chief Digital Confidant of Mission Informatics. Francis is kind, caring, brilliant, creative and committed. Linking a number of platforms to this site was very complex, but Francis was able to make the connections with expertise. I recommend him, without question, to anyone who is looking to begin or improve their current site! He can be reached at 1-833-277-9400. Thank you to my new friend, Francis!

I hope you have fun with what we’ve created and please join our community! Feel free to reach out to me at any time through the “Connect Page” or by scheduling an appointment.

All the best of health and happiness to you and yours,

Lynn McLaughlin

“If we did not have each other, what really would matter?”

(Excerpt from the memoir “Steering Through It” by Lynn McLaughlin)

What's it all About?

Last week, my husband and I were on a highway in Maine, after a long road trip relocating our son to the east coast. We were heading for a two-day vacation in Boston. It was raining very hard and I was getting quite nervous, to the point of repeatedly asking my husband to slow down. He was in total control, an excellent driver, yet I was imposing my discomfort on him. I realized that it was me causing the stress between us in the truck, not to mention distracting him. I consciously decided to take my eyes off the road, trust him to do what he was doing so well, and focus on a Sudoku Puzzle. Talk about a difference! Being aware of what we bring into a situation can give us the power to change our mindset and the circumstances in which we find ourselves.  Try it!

So what is it all about? How many times have we asked ourselves this question in our quest to understand our purpose in this life? My guess is much more frequently than we realize, but we don't dig deep enough because the answers are not staring us in the face. They're hard to find, even more difficult to understand sometimes. When tragedy strikes, what do we do with that? How do we grapple with the next question, "Why"? Our answers are moving targets, or so I have discovered. What I knew to be my self ten years ago is very different than the person I am today. Experiences teach us, or should, to consider things from a different perspective. Otherwise, will we grow and evolve to become the best person we can be? If we are stuck in our mindset from 10 years ago, is that healthy? Maybe it is for some who feel they have accomplished their goals and given all they have to offer. From my point of view, it's not that easy.

My illness 6 years ago was quite frankly, the kick in the teeth I needed. I was giving to others, committed to my roles as mother, wife, friend, daughter and sibling. BUT so caught up in the whirlwind of "Gotta do it now".  That mindset almost cost me my life. I ignored symptoms. Other things were too important - the meetings, the phone calls, errands, cheering on my teenage children, planning schedules... you name it. Were some of those things important? Absolutely, but they should never have taken priority over my health. Even now, retired for almost one year (September 1st), and working part time, I have to take steps back and ask, "Is this really what I need to be doing right now?". Is this going to make a difference to anyone? Can my time be better spent giving, learning and growing as a person? We need to turn ourselves off, actually take time to reflect and consciously make decisions to not only lower our stress levels, but truly bring happiness to ourselves and others.

All the best of health and happiness to you and yours,

If I asked, "What is your number one priority in life, at this very moment in time?" what would be your answer?

I posted this question on my Twitter page and was not surprised by the number one response - 53% stated it was "my family".  I would have answered exactly the same way a few years ago, but not any longer.

Pardon? I don't value my family as my number one priority? I wish it were that easy. When I was diagnosed with a brain tumour, do you think I could say that my family was #1? Of course, I could if I were living in a fantasy world.  The tables had turned. Whether I wanted to be there for them or not, it really wasn't a choice. My health immediately became OUR priority. I was blessed to have a family that wrapped around me and supported what I needed, every minute of every day. As we coped with the diagnosis, the medications, the medical opinions, craniotomy and...and... and...  It went on and on. I could not drive, cook, cheer on my children during their sports events, meet a teacher, was easily confused when they spoke to me, lacked short and long- term memory. How in the world did they do it? My husband and three teenage children jumped into the roles of protectors, schedulers and chauffeurs. Bottom line - my health became THE priority for every single one of us.

Should that priority have changed as I recovered and stepped back into the role of mother and wife? Maybe, but it hasn't. Without my health, I know I cannot be there for my family as I would want to be. I've seen the other side of the fence all too clearly. I will do anything within my power to never be thrown over it again, separated from those I cherish the most in my life.

It has become "normal" in this crazy society to leave the house first thing in the morning and juggle countless things every day. Why can't we take 1/2 hour to ourselves?  1/2 hour to sit on a bench and enjoy the view and sounds of nature and those around us?  1/2 to close the door and enjoy time reading a book, listening to a podcast, watching a comedy show? 1/2 hour to take a long bath listening to the music we love? 1/2 hour to regroup or take a walk! We deserve nothing less. Run, run, run. Really?

My health is my priority so I can be here for my family in every way possible, as long as possible. People talk about "balance" in their lives? What does that even mean? The definition is different for everyone. From my perspective, balance comes with time every day to focus on health - whether that is physical, emotional or spiritual. It shouldn't be considered selfish, but expected.

Six years ago, my answer to the question would have been, "My family".  Not anymore. My family is my world but I can no longer take my health for granted. I'll be here to meet, hold and love my grand babies - If I have anything to say about it!

"The present time has one advantage of every other - it is our own." (Charles Caleb Colton)

Why? I asked myself this question repeatedly ...

"Why?"

Over the past week, I have consciously asked myself this question. Why did I wave off the man behind me who honked because I wasn't moving fast enough in the Tim Horton's drive-through?  Why was I upset when my husband asked a simple question? Why, when I was out walking and came across a woman picking up debris on the greenway, did I not ask her name and thank her?

Asking myself, "Why" is all well and good, but stopping and reflecting on something that could have or should have happened does not change a thing. Or does it? It won't change what happened in that moment, but could it alter our mindset and responses in the future? I think the power in reflection is that we CAN change what we do and how we respond to similar situations.

Perhaps next time someone honks at me because the line is moving too slowly, I smile at them rather than waving them off and purchase their beverage with a kind message. We can be proactive and send positive energy rather than perpetuate the negative. That's exactly what I did in that particular situation. It also bothered me, for quite some time. Did he think by honking I was going to move faster? What was his real intent? What caused him to act in such a way? What stressors was he feeling in that moment? Why did I feed into it?  I spent tons of energy kicking myself for what I did. Some may say that's ridiculous because it was no big deal. Perhaps though, that energy in the future, will be celebratory because I rose above it.