PAT BUTLER | UNPACKING THE GRIEf OF DIVORCE. THANKS FOR LEAVING ME!

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And it's time to take the helm. If you're in the midst of a divorce, Pat Butler is joining us today, and she's written a book called thanks For Leaving Me. Stay tuned.

Are you facing a crisis in your life or business? It's time to steer yourself in the right direction through the real experiences, passion and courage of our guests who are taking the helm. With your host, Lynn McLaughLynn .

00:00:30

It's my pleasure to introduce Pat Butler. After 40 years of marriage, her husband Left her, and she has written a book, as I said in the intro, called thanks For Leaving Me, as well as a journal to help people through divorce. We have so much to talk about. Hi, Pat. And thanks for joining us from Toronto to take the helm with us today.

00:00:50

Thank you so much for inviting me to chat with you, Lynn.

Well, I have to tell you, I was so intrigued when I heard about the title of your book, thanks For Leaving Me, and I thought, well, that's interesting. How do you thank someone for walking away? So, let's start with that, Pat, what happened in your life that just totally shocked you and took you aback?

00:01:11
Well, I had a very happy life with a very nice husband and wonderful children and so on. And my career, I don't know if you want to know about it, but I'll throw in the back, of course. I was a physics and math teacher originally. Stayed home with my kids for five years. I did a master's in education, got into training consulting, and we retired. I retired in 2006, and my husband retired in 2005, and we started traveLynng the world. And then in 2009, he connected with somebody and pulled the plug on the marriage after only two months of knowing this woman.

Oh, my goodness.
And after 41 years of marriage, it was quite a shock. And anyway, I survived, as one does. Our separation happened really relatively quickly. Within five months, we were separated, learned to live alone, and then married again in 2014 when I found a wonderful new husband. Now, in 2016, I felt moved to sit on my back deck with all my journals that I had been writing in during my separation and write a book. And out came. Thanks for reading me. My first version was all over the place because I didn't want to give away family secrets. But then I took a course at University of Toronto, and I hired my professor as my writing coach and editor, and she really helped me tighten things up. So we call it an embellished memoir embellished and something still protected, I would think.

00:02:52

Yes. There's Marriage One, which is about what happened with my first husband. And I did various things to change his identities and things that happened with us. But the second chapter is called Recovery. Third one is marriage, too. And everything that happened in those two areas is absolutely. The way it happened, except for the names and the reason I wrote it, was because I was in my late 60s when this happened. And I know a number of women and men who, when they find themselves by them alone later in life, they just give up and say, oh, well, I'm just going to play a lot of golf. I'm going to do a lot of drinking. There are many, many wonderful things left in life. And so that's why I did. Thanks for leaving me. Now, it got into the hands I got into the hands of David Frankel, who's a young divorce lawyer in Toronto. He'd written an article about divorce in the Global Mail, sent him a copy. He loved it. He started recommending it to his friend, his clients, rather, and because they found it helpful and inspiring.

00:04:05

Oh, my goodness. Let me just go back to that. Because I interrupted you there.

I just can't imagine what the grieving process must have looked like. And I'm sure there's still a point where there's regret. No.

Oh, I still miss him terribly. I mean, I wouldn't say that I'm in loving them anymore, but I particularly find my children's birthdays difficult. Of course, when they were born, they were both born in November. It's a togetherness thing. You makes the babies and you bring them home and you bring them up, particularly when they had milestone birthdays, like turning 40 and turning 50. My goodness. I felt sad for a day. But I have learned, and this is part of my training from my masters in education, I've learned the importance of living when sadness and giving myself permission to go for a long walk by myself or something like that, or do some writing to let myself live my sadness and grief. Because it's the only way it's ever going to stop affecting my mood.

00:05:16
So for someone who's in the midst of this right now, just separated, just getting the shocking news that you did, what's a guiding piece of advice you would give them, because that time has just got to be so how do you start to get bearings again?

Well, may I mention my second book? Of course, yes.

00:05:38

That was going to be my next question.

But don't be careful. My new book, which I ended up writing with David Frankel, this young lawyer I referred to, is a workbook. It's called my divorce journal. A Guided Path to Moving Forward. Now, the way it came about because and the reason I immediately think about chapter one when you ask me that question, about the upheaval. I was going to have lunch with David at the very beginning of COVID and it was canceled for obvious reasons. And I said, Darn, I wanted to tell you about this idea I have for a workbook, because I had done some seminars on divorce recovery called Suddenly Single, which he knew about, and he sent his clients to and I've done that four times, four sessions in each, and I've done it four times. And I decided I had enough looking backwards and I wanted to start looking forward and putting something down and writing that I didn't have to live through. When you're doing a seminar, you're very, very involved. Of course. And when he heard my idea, I said, I'm thinking of taking some of the exercises from my seminars and putting them into a workbook. I can grade two arithmetic workbook. And he said, May I be your co author?

00:07:00

Oh, my gosh. What an honor. What an honor. I was absolutely thrilled because he being a divorce lawyer, he knows all the legal side. And so we've written this book together without seeing each other face to face at all. Exactly. We got the book we had thanks to Working from Home, and so we've divided it into there are five chapters, and the first one is called first of all, I'll just read to you the names of the chapters. If you don't mind reacting to upheaval, then Managing Logistics, which involves sharing the news with family and friends, taking Care of Your Children, how to Tell the Children About What's Happening. Part four is navigating your feeLynngs after the dust settles. And number five is moving forward. And in number five, we talk about if you do decide that you want to find another partner, whether it's a live in person or just a casual dating, we give dos and don'ts about how to make that happen. Brilliant. So the reacting to Upheaval is the part that I found the hardest because in my own situation, my sons were married, living in different parts of the country, and funny things started to happen at home. And I confronted him and found there were things going on. And so that was an extremely difficult time, because once you open the door on a piece of information like, I think our marriage is ending, it's a heavy thing. And there's a lot of grieving.

 
00:08:47

I would say we have didn't mention in this workbook. We have 83 exercises and three worksheets. And at the end of every chapter you do a worksheet, and one of them is called Checking My Emotional Pulse.

You know what? I love it. I love it. I love it. After I had my brain tumor, right, my surgery a year later, I developed writing prompts from my journals. I think it's just really interesting, the connection that you use journals right from the beginning to take you on this Pathway to helping so many people who are going through such a it's traumatic. It's a traumatic time in their life. So you mentioned one of the chapters, Being Children, and we are about to really hone in on taking the helm to the niche of children's emotional well being. We're working in the background to make that happen within the next few weeks. Huge, huge launch coming up and I'm a child of divorce right? Of divorced parents. I've got stepbrothers, I've got stepsisters, stepmom and dad all that kind of stuff happening on because they both chose to remarry and ages of children matter a great deal as well. So talk to me about that chapter and what guiding words you have for parents who are trying to support their children right now through this.

00:10:05

Well the first thing we recognize is that we divide children into two categories dependent and independent. So dependent children, they may be in your twenty s and they're off at university but if they come home and live under your life, under your roof at all, then we consider them dependent children and then independent children. Now an error that I made myself because as I said earlier both of my sons were married. It never occurred to me to reach out to them and say how are you getting on? Like what do you think about all this news? I never gave them an opening. It took me about eight months before in doing some reading it came across the idea that we all as adults need to be given a chance to open our hearts and explain how we're feeLynng about things in order to recover. So we say at the beginning of the chapter we make this division into dependent and independent and those with only independent children might choose to just jump right to the end of the chapter. That's their choice. We have a section on telLynng the children. We have five overarching principles which I would like to share with you. One is that children are innocent. They don't cause the divorce. They didn't contribute to the failed marriage. Principle two children are vulnerable. Principle three children want to know why. They observe an explanation of the breakup. One correlated to their age and that makes sense to them. You're naturally going to use more grownup language with a ten year old and a three year old. Principle four children deserve to know what to expect in the family in the future.

I can imagine the questions going through their minds.

Oh yeah, where am I going to live? Who's going to take care of me? Am I going to have to move away? Do I have to leave my school? Oh my gosh, my friends, all of it.

00:12:08

So all those questions like we give quotes like the exercise, what questions will each child want to ask you? What questions may they be afraid to ask? What questions should you proactively answer. Although they haven't been verbalized, we put a lot of really careful attention into these questions for people to respond to in their own journals, waiting in a blank journal. So principle number four children deserve to know what to expect in the future. Their separation will result in the children's world being changed forever. And principle number five principle five children deserve an apology. May be unable to say you're sorry to your spouse, but your children deserve a heartfelt apology. And then we have a very extensive section which I won't go into right now, but on how to prepare for the conversation. Now, you and your spouse should do this preparing together. And if you're at Locker Heads, it may not be something that he or she particularly feels like being involved in, but it's absolutely crucial. And we go into all kinds of detail about setting the stage, turning off closing all the doors, turning off all the devices and phones and everything and getting everybody's attention. And we give practically a script for people to go through to make sure that the children get their message, get the important message, which is going to be great for them to hear. I know somebody who is actually a family member whose parents divorced when she was eight, and she can tell you right now what she was wearing that day and what he had for dinner that night.

00:13:57

I remember the conversation, too. I do. I remember yeah, when my father came home and yeah, oh, yeah, I remember that vividly. Isn't that how old were you? I was the oldest of four, and I think it was around 13 when the separation actually happened and the divorce came several years later. Pat, I want to go back to what you said about your grown up sons, your married sons, and I've just put my hat on as if I were that child. And I can understand why they didn't vote to the subject with you because they were protecting you. It's their own way of saying, mom's got to deal with this and the way mom wants to deal with it, and she'll talk to us when she wants to talk to us. I think they've they probably were in the protective mode.

00:14:37

They probably were. But it was lovely when I did get around many months later, giving them an opening and to find out their reactions. Now, they have worked very hard on being loyal to their father, and this is something which an outsider might say, oh, my goodness, given what happened. But there's a very important principle to divorce that I have come to embrace, which is when a divorce happens, there's a little bit of blame on each person's side. Nobody is blameless. And the thing is that when you are the one who's being left, you and your friend gather around and they say, oh, isn't he terrible? But there must have been things which I put up with as a spouse that annoyed me, that I didn't want to raise. I've always been a very non confrontational person, the way I was brought up, and so it was my husband, and so I realized now I should have expressed my own needs and wants in a more clear way than I did. So the fact is that with my sons and grandchildren, I have five. I want to always treat my ex with friendLynness when we're nearby each other, which we are periodically, once in a blue moon I don't ever want. And I got this help from the therapist at the very beginning. She said, Pat, the tone that you set around interactions with your ex is going to last a lifetime.

00:16:24

And for your children and your grandchildren, and they will know it, and they will sense it absolutely if you start. Criticizing him even in the most passive aggressive way, throwing out little comments about, oh, isn't this terrible because of bubble. And I took that really to heart and I've lived it the whole time and I must say it has paid off.

And those conversations, those difficult conversations need to happen outside of the presence of children. Those are private conversations. Right? Well, I commend you in making this available for people who are in the midst of a really trying time of their lives and putting children in their own mental health and well being at the forefront. You mentioned in our previous conversation another resource that she discovered that you want to talk about

00:17:10

Yes. I came across a book by a man named William Bridges, and it's called Transitions making Sense of Life's Changes. And he describes, he says with every transition and they can be a negative thing like a divorce or a death in the family, or a positive, like moving across the country, or starting a new career, or moving into a new house. And in every time you have a major transition in your life, there are three stages. There is endings, then the neutral zone and then new beginnings. And when you think of it, if you were suppose you're living in a house that you bought early in your marriage and then you are now moving 300 miles away, the endings going around and saying goodbye to the house and thinking reliving the time you brought a baby home to it and all that kind is really quite wonderful. So we discussed these three things. David and I have used his model and we have a graphic and we use this model in the book a lot. And that the part that really surprised me in my research and in my own recovery is the neutral zone. The middle part because we're incLynned when you're feeLynng sad, oh, I know, I'm going to go and get myself a new car. The neutral zone is all about drifting and letting yourself drift, go off by yourself. And the wonderful thing about the neutral zone is the source of self renewal when we need it. Just the way an apple tree needs the cold of winter. I love that you need to let yourself absolutely turn into a ball, turn off your phone, ignore people. I'm not saying permanently, but maybe over a weekend. I personally went off to Stratford, Ontario when I was going through a very bad time and one of my early womans went poof. I went off to Stratford, Ontario, got myself single seats, which are very easy to do at the last minute. Barely spoke to anybody else in the bed and breakfast. I stayed in. I didn't even really say much to the owner. And I realized afterwards that I was in the neutral zone. But when I got home, I didn't even take my cell phone with me, believe it or not, for those three days. It was over July 1, 2011, and when I got home, I was creeping back. I'd let my emotions go into this cold that the apple trees need. It's beautiful.

00:19:58

And to me, and I might be wrong, but we've all had difficult times in our lives. We've all had Craces. Right? That neutral zone has got to be the toughest part. It's the toughest part because you have to find your new way.

And we go into quite a lot of in the book, we go into quite a lot of detail and suggestions about things that you might do in this neutral zone, but just recognizing that it happens. Now, I have heard you say, Lynn, that you are a Type A personality, and I'm very much a Type A personality as well. And those of us who fit that category just want to get on with things. Okay, all right, this is happening. Let's go to know I've been looking this is why it was so important for me to understand this concept, and I want the world to know about it.

And, you know, an awful moment for me was I don't remember who I was speaking to. I think I was in a collaborative network at one point. And if you're a go go, do do do do person, you really need to pause and ask yourself, Why?

00:20:56

Yes.
Why aren't you embracing some moments of peace and quiet and being present and walking?
Why? Why do you feel the need to be go go going and do do doing all the time? I'll just leave with that question. Oh, boy. All right, where can people find you and your books?

00:21:17

Well, I have a website which is called Fresh Startpress. All. One word. Fresh start. Press. And I've got thanks for Leaving Me is on there. And also my divorce journal, both of those books. And then there's a historical fiction that I've written as well, which has nothing to do with Fresh Start. But these books are available through Amazon all over the world, and in Canada, Indigo, and so that's where people can join them.

Let me just ask you a quick question because we're in the midst of my co author and I making a decision. Ours are available in French. Are you thinking about translating to any other languages? Because we're considering Arabic and Spanish as well.

I think we need to watch our numbers grow a little more than that in order to make it worthwhile. We have had wonderful kudos from five experts in the field, which we sent the manuscript to. The one on the COVID reads a top of the list guidebook for separating and divorcing parents. And that is said by Barbara Fiddler, PhD, cLynnical developmental psychologist. And she trains judges and lawyers about child custody issues.

00:22:39

Oh, perfect. She has given us this big advanced praise, which is wonderful. And then there's more inside once and but David and I recognize that this is a marathon, not a sprint, getting into the world. And over time, like, maybe in a year, we might consider it going into another language. But we're still in the early stages.

I love to ask fellow authors these questions. There's different perspectives. I still appreciate you joining us today.

Well, thank you so much for I really am thrilled to be chatting with you, Lynn, and I wish you well in your new what's the word? Mode focus on mental health of children. I think it's hugely important right now.

00:23:24

Thank you very much and thanks for speaking about children today as well. Thanks.

Next week's guest is Cindy Tank Murphy. She's the best selLynng author of the book called The Strength to Live finding, HeaLynng and Hope after a Loss from Suicide. The book guides us through the darkness that she felt after losing her father to suicide. She's also going to be speaking about her first hand experience of supporting her daughter through mental health struggles. Be healthy and safe everyone, and we'll see you in two weeks time on Taking the Home.

Thanks for tuning in and posting your review of Taking the Home on your favorite platform. We’ll give you a shoutout in a future episode. To be inspired by people who are steering us in the right direction. Go to lynnmclaughlin.com where you can search previous guests for the topic of your choice. And while you're there, download Lynn's gift. There's more than one way to get through a crisis.

Anthea Mumby | Disruption Serves! Anchoring Yourself to Pull Forward

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00:00:00
Well, before I introduce this week's guest, I have to say I'm so excited. I am so excited. Pod Chasers has contacted me to tell me that we are in the top 10% in our Listen score globally. I have to thank you, I have to thank you, listeners and viewers and anyone who's connected to us on Taking the helm. Our guests, incredible people who continue to change lives. Now, with that, if you are in a couple business and you have faced disruptions with your company which directly affects your personal lives with one income between the two of you, listen up. Anthea Mumby is our guest today.

00:00:42 Music Intro

Are you facing a crisis in your life or business? It's time to steer yourself in the right direction through the real experiences, passion and courage of our guests. We're taking the helm with your host, Lynn McLaughlin .

00:00:59
And it's time to welcome today's guest, Anthea mumbie. While she's had some disruptions in her life, started working at the age of 13 in a family business. We'll talk about how all that transitioned, how she's now off in a partner owned business with her husband, the challenges, the disruptions that have occurred along the way, but how they got through it and how they're supporting other business owners, partners as well today. Well, Anthea, welcome another guest from Ontario beyond. Excited to have you today.

00:01:31
Thanks, Lynn. Great to be here.

00:01:33

Well, how about you start with just sharing a little bit about yourself and who you are and what brought you on this journey to where you are today.

00:01:41

Okay, so I always say I'm a lifelong entrepreneur, I grew up in a family business. I'm unemployable lifelong entrepreneur. Yeah. And I grew up in a family business, insurance brokerage. I worked for my parents for 20 years and then my husband joined the business and we continued on, purchased the business from my brokerage, from my parents a few years later. And the two of us have been working together for 25 years and, yeah, I'm a very proud mother. My daughter is 26 and she's now living out in Halifax, doing her residency for a few years. And yeah, Douglas and I are celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary this, this July, so and he has a milestone birthday as well this year. So lots of cool things going on this year for 2023.

00:02:43

I'm just recalLynng why we connected so well. I've got a son in Kentfield doing his PhD. We're on our 33rd anniversary coming up. But I have to say, I think I can say this, my husband and he would agree with me. I don't know that we would be celebrating our 33rd anniversary if we were working in a business together 24/7. So I know you're going to share some insights with us, with us today, emphasis. So the challenges you must let's delve into that like being with someone at home and at work, but you figured it out. What are some of your secrets?

00:03:15

Oh, my goodness. Secrets are and some of this we learned, obviously through the school of hard knocks, and we had a lot of our own challenges over the years. But there's a couple of things, and a lot of it really comes back to the boundaries that you set that you agree on as a couple of business together. So you got to have good boundaries around when do the business conversations begin and when do they end? Because we were guilty. We were known for going from 06:00 in the morning until our heads hit the pillow at night, and it was just non stop. Non stop, non stop. So that was something that was really important for us to resolve. What else? The roles, like clarity. Right. Who's doing what, who's responsible for what, who has their own area to shine in, and their spouse has their area as well. So that way there's less chaos and confusion and stepping on each other's toes and the conflict that can come as a result of that. And we recognized it that we were competing in certain areas in our business years ago. And so we had to come up with a different way because my husband and I are both very competitive people.

00:04:50

I wanted to ask about the personalities because I'm a control freak. My husband's a little might work. I don't think so.

Exactly.

00:04:59

No, I shouldn't say that. I mean, the strategies that you're sharing with us could certainly help you if you put them in place before you begin to work together, I think. Right. And then you work through it as you have.

00:05:10

Yeah. Or even if you need to revisit it as time goes on and roles change and your business grows or your empty nesters, whatever it is, it's time to take pause and review and look at, okay, what are the next steps? What's the vision for the future look like?

00:05:32

All right, now let's go back to 2015. Pre pandemic. And you were really facing a difficult time in your business.

Yeah. We call it the staffing tsunami that we have at the outset of 2015. And this was when it was a series of personal challenges and difficulties that our team members were experiencing at that point in time. And because of those personal reasons, they all needed to step away. They all needed to take a break from working for us and deal with the challenges they were experiencing at the time. And so where that left Douglas and I is that within a matter of a few weeks, we were down. There were two of us and one his assistant that were left in the team. So it was tough. It was really, really tough.

Yeah. Because you have the same number of clients, the same number of demands, and three people are now doing the work. How did you get through Anthea?

00:06:40

Well, we were very resilient. We were very committed to we had just drawn up a vision. It was interesting because we had just drawn up a three year vision right before this happened for our business. So we kind of said, well, we've decided this is what we want to do, so how do we become more resourceful? And what are some things that we could do that will allow us to get through this period of time? And, yeah, I mean, it wasn't all rainbows and unicorns. We didn't make perfect decisions on all of it, but we made enough of the right decisions that, yeah, we kept our business open and we got it back on track. And ultimately, we ended up achieving that vision that we had cast.

00:07:31

So having something concrete that you could fall back on, can you give me one specific example of what you did? Did it involve maybe tech and streamLynning things some way? I'm just curious.

Yeah, it involved outsourcing our customer service for a period of time. So one of our insurance companies that we dealt with that had a lot of our clients, we had insured, many of our clients were insured with them. And they actually had a structure, a call center, and that allowed us to funnel the calls, the client calls, into their call center for a period of time because we had thousands of clients. There was no way. There was no way. And more so is the fact that my husband and his assistant were not licensed for the type of insurance that these clients had with our business. So literally, it would have all fallen on me. So thank goodness we approached one of this insurance company partner and said, here's the situation. Could you give us help us out here for a few months while we restaff? And they did.

00:08:41

Not something you ever would have considered before, but it is how we get through challenging times, is trying to find different, unique solutions right, that will serve us and get us to that end point where we can breathe again. So kudos to you. Kudos to you. All right, so you are now helping partners, the businesses who are run by partners, spouses, give us some insights into what that looks like.

00:09:05

Yeah, so it looks like for me, it's about helping them get some of the structure in place so that they will be ahead of the game and don't maybe have to go through some of the challenges that Douglas and I did over the years. Because what we do is we cast a vision right at the beginning that helps them to have just clarity, and it's something that they can keep coming back to, just like I do. I share my story where things start to come off track and off rails, and it embodies the values that you agree upon for the business. So keep coming back to those values. You'll make better business decisions as a result of that. Business decisions that are in alignment with your core values.

00:09:56

And I have been in hiding for about a month now, totally re envisioning my mission and my vision. Does that make sense? But really, working behind the scenes, I do this. I have this whole wall of brainstorming. Nope, that doesn't work. Oh, this fits here, that fits there. And, yeah, I can see the clarity now. I have a session, actually, next week with my resource team, the people that I go to, to say, what do you think? And we're going to throw it all out there. I guess you don't want to do that alone, right. Anthea, that's why you're helping people. The clarity comes when people throw ideas at you that you never possibly would have even thought about yourself.

00:10:36

Exactly. This is it. Things just show up that you never would have considered. Right. Or even hat your eyes open. Just light bulb moments, I call them. That's where it makes it really interesting and fun and gives them the opportunity to get outside of their own fish bowl. Sometimes we tend to do that as entrepreneurs. We get into our own little fishbowl.

 
00:10:58

And we need to or we grab the new fanciest thing that's out there that isn't going to serve us well. So if you have a clear vision and vision and maybe some goals set out not maybe goals set out, then you could say, no, that's not going to work for me. Especially when all of these vultures come at us all the time trying to sell us something, right?

00:11:17

Yeah. All day, every day.

00:11:19

So I want to go back to the beginning of our conversation, Anthea, where you mentioned you were working with your father in a family business, and that ended up closing. That must have been a difficult process. I mean, you went from a network of people to branching off on your own and taking your husband with you.\

00:11:36

Yeah, it was quite a process. And it took some time. I felt I had fully prepared for that business sale, and I realized it was probably about a year and a half after the sale had closed that I was grieving. I was grieving that business and that I had gone from thousands of clients, and I had said, I'm going to go into the unknown and start over with no clients. Right. And things weren't being done the way I had done them, you know, and things were things were different. And it was really it took some time for me to realize, like, you know what? You're actually grieving you're you're grieving this business, and it's okay. Right. Like, again, I worked in it since I was 13 years old. Right. So it had really been a big part of my identity for decades, for sure. So to say it's okay, you're grieving this, and then to have a process to go through that and to come outside the other side and go, yeah, you know what? I'm all right, and I'm excited about the future.

00:13:02

You just raised a very good point about delayed. Sometimes those emotions don't come to us right away. That's what PTSD is all about, isn't it? Right. It's things that hit us afterwards. So you found your way through, and you and I actually met at a retreat up in Oakville where we had several business owners trying to define what their future past were and be able to let some things go and then be very clear on where we were going. And it was a pleasure to meet you there.

Yeah, absolutely. It was a wonderful day.

00:13:34

All right, so let's go back in time again, because we always talk about children's emotional well being. So with everything that you and your partner went through during those times, if you could go back and say, what could I have? And we don't do, should have, could have, would have. We're only asking these questions because we can help young parents today maybe do things better than we did. Right. No judgment. No judgment at all. Totally honesty. What could you have done for self care, maybe for yourself, that you would have been able to model for your daughter?

00:14:07
Yeah, that's a great question. I think what I could have done differently or what I would offer to others is how to make that transition from your business to your home life at the end of the day. So I would come home, and oftentimes my husband would pick up our daughter from school. He'd be running out to get her before the school day, the pickup time, and I'd be running home, and I'd be running around trying to get dinner on the table. And I would give myself that break to just sort of, okay, let's take half an hour, like 20 minutes, half an hour to just, you know, decompress, like, go for a walk, meditate, journal, like, process that day. And instead, I would, you know, just go right into more activity. Like, let's keep the activity going. And I'd be famous for, like, I'd be cooking dinner, and I'd say to my husband, I really need to go to the Watchroom right now, but I got to get this done. And he'd say, no, what is this? And I'd be like, well, that past is boiLynng, or this is doing this. And honestly, if I go back in time, I think of my daughter. What would have been better for her mental health and her experience would have been a mom who was a little more balanced and had had some time to kind of let that frenetic work day go and be fully present at the dinner table instead of continuing on and talking about the challenges of the day and business. Still with my husband, there like, we're here, this little kid. So, yeah, I would offer that to others. Whether you're an entrepreneur or whatever, anybody have that find a way to give yourself that space between what you're doing in your in your work day and then transitioning into your your evening.

00:16:28

Don't just pause the treadmill. Stop the treadmill. So much of what you're saying is resonating with me and hundreds of thousands of listeners because that treadmill is going faster and faster these days. Thank you for those words of wisdom.

Yeah, my pleasure.

Okay. All right. So as we close out today, Anthea, what are you offering people?

00:17:37

Yeah, what I'm really excited about right now, Lynn, is helping these entrepreneurial couples get them set up for success by casting their vision together, their co created vision. And the other thing that I'm excited to offer this year is to provide help for insurance broker principal owners who may be going through a period of disruption where maybe there's been a health challenge or maybe they need to take some time off because they have a family member who's unwell or they just need a break. So I'm able to step in and provide because of my background in the insurance industry, I can help there as well. Yeah. Awesome.

00:18:23

And how can people reach you? We'll put this in the show notes, everyone.

Yeah, my website is https://www.dreamteamconsulting.ca/

and I'm on LinkedIn and my name is very unique, so I'm easy to find.

Anthea Mumby. I love it. Okay, well, thank you so much for joining us and sharing your insights. We haven't had a guest yet in I think we're up to 112 of you who've joined us, who has talked about this topic. So much appreciated.

Oh. Thanks, Lynn. It's been a wonderful discussion today. Appreciate it.

00:18:57

All right, take care. And let me introduce our next guest in this way. She's written a book called “Thanks for Leaving Me”. Pat Butler was stunned by the departure of her husband. After 40 years. She's written this book, taken it a journey, rediscovered herself and everything happens for a reason. We'll find out why and much more. See you in two weeks’ time. Stay healthy and safe.

00:19:23 Music Outro

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