Research/ change agents - Children's Emotional Well-Being

We are passionate about being proactive when it comes to children’s mental health. We have become accustomed to waiting for symptoms for our physical and mental health. We know much more than ever that children can learn strategies at a very young age and have them for life.

This page provides links to evidence based research and change-agents with expertise in child and youth mental health.

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Simon Sinek Millennials in the Workplace Video Interview

“Simon Sinek is an unshakable optimist. He believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together. Simon has devoted his life to help advance a vision of the world that does not yet exist; a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and return home fulfilled at the end of the day. Every day is an opportunity to inspire someone.”

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Wait Until 8th

The Wait Until 8th pledge empowers parents to rally together to delay giving children a smartphone until at least 8th grade.  Banding together helps decrease the pressure to have a phone at an early age. Ten years old is the average age children get their first smartphone and the negative impacts are clear.

More than 50,000 parents have said yes to waiting on the smartphone for their families. Why we should wait, resources, research, smartphone alternatives and more are found on this site.

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Science Daily - New Treatment For Childhood Anxiety Works by Changing Parent Behavior

Excerpt … click above for full article. “A study in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (JAACAP), published by Elsevier, reports that an entirely parent-based treatment, SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions), is as efficacious as individual cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for the treatment of childhood and adolescent anxiety disorders.”

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Boston University: Moms Using Mobile Devices During Mealtime Interact Less With Children

According to the researchers, nonverbal interactions are a primary mode through which emotional content is communicated between parents and children, so its frequent displacement could represent a significant decrease in emotional connection. “We theorize that mobile device use was associated with a decreased number of maternal verbal and nonverbal interactions through decreased awareness of the child’s social cues while the mother’s gaze and/or attention was directed at a device,” explained corresponding author Jenny Radesky, MD, clinical instructor in Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics at BUSM and a former fellow in pediatrics at Boston Medical Center.

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ResearchGate - Jon Kabat-Zinn's Research While Affiliated With University of Massachusetts Medical School and Other Places

Jon Kabat-Zinn is an American professor emeritus of medicine and the creator of the 'Stress Reduction Clinic' and the 'Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society. This is a compilation of his research.

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What Does the Research Say? Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL)

The benefits of social and emotional learning (SEL) are well-researched, with evidence demonstrating that an education that promotes SEL yields positive outcomes for students, adults, and school communities.

The findings come from hundreds of independent studies across multiple fields and sources that show SEL leads to beneficial outcomes related to: social and emotional skills, academic performance, mental wellness, healthy behaviors, school climate and safety, and lifetime outcomes.

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CAMH Research Impact Report 2019

Excerpt.. Click above for the full report. “Compared with 15 years ago, there is now widespread public understanding that young people can experience depression and other mental illnesses, and that addressing mental health early is key, says Dr. Peter Szatmari. It has been shown that half of all cases of mental illness begin by age 14. Intervening in childhood and adolescence may prevent mental illness or lessen its impacts over a person’s lifetime.”

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Children’s Mental Health Quarterly - Prevention: Reaching More Kids

Excerpt “ne of the most effective ways to help children and youth is to reach them with prevention efforts before mental disorders develop. Yet to build prevention capacity and to reach more young people, approaches are needed that do not rely solely on direct provision by practitioners. We therefore aimed to identify effective self-directed prevention programs.”

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Children’s Healthcare Canada - Child and Youth Mental Health

Excerpt… Click above for the full document “Research conducted by SickKids (2021) involving 350 children and youth reveals that over 70 per cent reported the pandemic had evoked symptoms of depression, anxiety, irritability, reduced attention span, hyperactivity, or obsessions. Among children identifying as visible minorities, almost 28 per cent reported poor mental health symptoms, and 30 per cent experienced symptoms consistent with “moderate” or “severe” generalized anxiety disorder.”

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Child and Youth Mental Health in Canada - Library of Parliament Research Publications

Excerpt … Click above for reference “This Background Paper briefly examines current mental health issues faced by young people in Canada, highlights the role of the federal government in addressing these challenges and describes some recent federal initiatives and investments.”

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SickKids Releases New Research on How COVID-19 Pandemic has Impacted Child and Youth Mental, Physical Health

Excerpt … Click above for full document “While the COVID-19 pandemic has occurred in a series of waves, the heightened levels of depression and anxiety among children and youth seen at the start of the pandemic has remained consistent. This is one of many new preliminary findings from the ongoing COVID-19 mental health study led by The Hospital for Sick Children (SickKids). Taken together, the latest findings demonstrate a serious, sustained negative impact on the mental health of Ontario children, youth and their families.”

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Simon Fraser University Children’s Mental Health Quarterly - Children’s Mental Health, the Numbers and the Needs

Excerpt … Click above for full volume Spring 2022. “How many children are affected by mental disorders? What are the most common disorders that children face? And what is the impact of these disorders? We address these and other questions in this overview.”

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National Library of Medicine … The Importance of Early Bonding on the Long-Term Mental Health and Resilience of Children

Excerpt… Click above for full journal article “The evidence on the powerful role of loving nurture in the emotional, social and cognitive development of children is powerful. Parenting is therefore more important than we could ever have imagined.”

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BMC Psychology - Mindfulness in Primary School Children as a Route to Enhanced Life Satisfaction, Positive Outlook and Effective Emotion Regulation

Excerpt … Click above for full research article. “Taken together, this study provides preliminary evidence that the Living Mindfully Primary Programme is feasibly delivered by school staff, enjoyed by the children and may significantly improve particular components of wellbeing. Importantly, higher levels of mindfulness as a result of training may be related to effective emotional regulatory and cognitive reappraisal strategies.”

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MINDFULNESS GOES TO SCHOOL: THINGS LEARNED (SO FAR) FROM RESEARCH AND REAL-WORLD EXPERIENCES

Excerpt … Click above for full research article. “Limited research with youth has shown promise for the effectiveness of mindfulness-based programs in schools to improve attention and executive functioning, bolster social-emotional resiliencies, and help teachers and students manage school-related stressors. Many schools have begun to integrate these programs into their curricula…”

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The Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Childhood Anxiety | Literature Review

We are at the core of an anxiety epidemic (Russell, 2014), with roughly 4.4 million (7.1%) of the world’s children diagnosed with anxiety, an increase from 5.5% in 2007 and 6.4% in 2012 (CDC, 2020). This phenomenon is on the rise. Additionally, one-third (37.9%) of children aged 3-17 diagnosed with anxiety have also been diagnosed with behaviour problems or depression (32.3%). Anxiety disorders, such as social phobia, separation anxiety, and generalized anxiety, are among the most common mental health affliction present in children (CDC, 2020; Elseviere, 2020; Polanczyk et al., 2015), often emerging before they reach eleven (CDC, 2020; Kesler et al., 2005; Reardon et al.,2018). Additionally, many children go undiagnosed (Russell, 2014), and only 59.3% of children aged 3-17 formally diagnosed with anxiety received treatment (CDC, 2020; Reardon et al., 2018). Childhood anxiety is distressful for both children and their families (Elsevier, 2020) and without early intervention and effective resources, anxiety will follow children into adulthood (Copeland et al., 2014), often resulting in adverse outcomes coupled with the related financial burden toll on society (Reardon et al., 2018). Therefore, it is essential, now more than ever, to develop resources for parents, teachers, and the like to assist in supporting anxious children (Klein, 2009). The evidence says it is important to speak openly about the realities of anxiety and educate children on how to tolerate anxiety to learn they can manage their anticipatory fears (Goldstein, n.d.). Children turn to their parents for support and guidance in managing things that scare them (Elsevier, 2020), and the modern contemporary parent will seek resources to help them (Russell, 2014). Literature can provide techniques for facing anxiety is a practical, enjoyable way for guardians looking to teach their anxious children how to cope with life’s struggles. The act of reading out loud with children can be soothing for anxious children (Barr, 2020), and when a guardian is involved in the healing process, it leads to more robust skill development (Brendel, 2011). The content of literature can provide children with the vocabulary and self-awareness needed to understand and express themselves in an otherwise tricky circumstance (Barr, 2020). Ultimately, developing a series of children’s books that offer evidence-based approaches to coping with everyday situations known to cause anxiety in children would be beneficial for children, guardians, and society.

References

Barr, A. (2020, October 29). How Reading Aloud Can Help Children with Anxiety. Demme Learning. https://demmelearning.com/reading-aloud-children-anxiety. 

Brendel, K. E. (2011). A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effectiveness of child-parent interventions for children and adolescents with anxiety disorders (Order No. 3454900). Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global. (871109324). Retrieved from https://search-proquest-com.ledproxy2.uwindsor.ca/dissertations-theses/systematic-review-meta-analysis-effectiveness/docview/871109324/se-2?accountid=14789

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2020, June 15). Data and Statistics on Children's Mental Health. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/data.html. 

Copeland, W. E., Angold, A., Shanahan, L., & Costello, E. J. (2014). Longitudinal patterns of anxiety from childhood to adulthood: The great smoky mountains study. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 53(1), 21–33. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2013.09.017 

Elsevier. (2020, April 2). New treatment for childhood anxiety works by changing parent behavior. ScienceDaily. Retrieved February 12, 2021 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/04/200402110133.htm

Goldstein, C. (n.d.). What to Do (and Not Do) When Children Are Anxious. Child Mind Institute.

Kessler RC, Chiu WT, Demler O, Walters EE. Prevalence, Severity, and Comorbidity of 12-Month DSM-IV Disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Arch Gen Psychiatry. 2005;62(6):617–627. doi:10.1001/archpsyc.62.6.617

Klein, R. (2009). Anxiety disorders. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 50(1‐2), 153–162. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2008.02061.x

Polanczyk, G., Salum, G., Sugaya, L., Caye, A., & Rohde, L. (2015). Annual research review: A meta-analysis of the worldwide prevalence of mental disorders in children and adolescents. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 56(3), 345–365. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12381

Reardon, T., Spence, S., Hesse, J., Shakir, A., & Creswell, C. (2018). Identifying children with anxiety disorders using brief versions of the Spence Children’s Anxiety Scale for children, parents, and teachers. Psychological Assessment, 30(10), 1342–1355. https://doi.org/10.1037/pas0000570

Russell, A. (2014, december 16). Today’s children struggle with major anxiety [ Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEyWsa-mblc 

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Current Opinion in Pediatrics - Mindfulness-Based Interventions for Adolescent Health

Excerpt “Research has shown positive effects of mindfulness across several health conditions commonly encountered during adolescence. Mindfulness-based Interventions can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.”

WE-SPARK Health Institute Research

What is WE-Spark Health Insitute all about?

“WE-SPARK Health Institute is an innovative partnership between Erie Shores HealthCare, Hôtel-Dieu Grace Healthcare, St. Clair College, University of Windsor and Windsor Regional Hospital that brings together health research strengths, expertise, and infrastructure froREm across the Windsor-Essex region of Ontario, Canada. We are establishing research pipelines to address pressing health issues, advancing discovery, innovation and technology, training and promoting excellence among our health professionals, and engaging our community.” Click here to view the brochure.

Reference: https://www.wesparkhealth.com/

As someone who has experienced firsthand what the power of research can do, I am honoured to be writing for this forward-thinking organization. Research brings us more options and opportunities when faced with treatment decisions. Each person I have the pleasure of meeting is delving into something new and exciting and I’m excited to help them share their work.

If you are someone who is looking for information on research that is currently being done, WE-SPARK is a place to start. I’ll be posting links to my articles as they are published.

Research Into the Trends of Pediatric Diabetes and How Families Can Thrive Dr. Jessica Kichler, Associate Professor, Department of Psychology, University of Windsor

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Students Win Recognition in Medical Case Competition

Kylie Slogan and Alex Agostinis were selected as one of the top 40 teams to present at the IgNITE Medical Case Competition.

Some Bursaries and Awards For KDHS Grads Had No Applicants Last Year

I hope this article that I wrote brings light to unclaimed funding for graduating students not only in the town of Kingsville but provincially. It was published by The Kingsville Times

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If you know of a student graduating in June, please read on! There are over 130 scholarships and/or bursaries available in our community alone that range from $300 to $10,000.

Thousands of dollars go unawarded every year. It’s more than worth the time to look at all the options as things have changed in recent years. Essays are not always required. Some allow submissions which include video, audio, podcast or artistic representations. Reference letters are also not required by many.

Specific details about each application are posted for the grade 12s in the Greater Essex County District School Board’s Edsby folder titled “Scholarship Applications 2022/23.” Deadlines for applications begin mid-April.

There are applications for students who are pursuing studies in horticulture, health care, food service or hospitality, entering law or emergency service, science, history, public relations, civics, technology, engineering, math, criminology, law, agriculture, border services, education, business and more.

Students do not always need to have an academic standing to apply for many scholarships or awards. Some are based on other factors such as:

• Having a financial need

• Exemplifying kindness, compassion, optimism and living each day to its fullest

• Achieving a level of excellence in Drama

• Having overall involvement in KDHS including music and sports

• Consistently displaying exemplary citizenship (and does not have to be going to college or university)

• Having overcome personal challenges (physical health or emotional health)

• Having experienced the impact of cancer either personally or within his/her immediate family

• Being a Canadian Citizen or permanent resident of Canada diagnosed with Crohn’s or Colitis

• Having a learning disability

• Being of African descent

There are many more memorial awards to review as well as those from the Town of Kingsville and financial institutions.

Community organizations such as the Rotary Clubs of Cottam, Harrow and Kingsville, The Royal Canadian Legion, Knights of Columbus, the Optimist Club, Kingsville Horticultural Society, COPPS for Charity, local businesses and churches are also very generous in supporting our graduating students.

Additional options are posted on the Board’s website. 

As a community, Kingsville thanks every local organization that supports the future of our students by opening doors to funding opportunities.

This would also not be possible without the dedication of the K.D.H.S. staff. A special thank you to our senior secretary, Madeleine Kirzinger for sharing this information.

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SHANNON CURTIS | THE POWER OF OUR EMOTIONS: THEY CAN EITHER FUEL US OR WRAP US AROUND THE AXLES

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Listen Link

Welcome back as we take the helm. There are lots of ways to manage our emotions and work through our trauma, and Shannon Curtis has been doing it through her own music. She's been a musician for over 25 years, and she's joining us today.

00:00:18
Are you facing a crisis in your life or business? It's time to steer yourself in the right direction through the real experiences, passion and courage of our guests. Were taking the helm with your host, Lynn McLaughlin .

00:00:34
Now, allow me to introduce Shannon before she joins us. She has been touring for the last decade and has quite a following. She has an album based songwriting style that is centered around taking her audiences on intentional journeys of personal growth, connection, and healing. Her newest album, called good to me, has just been released. It's all about her quest for self healing and nurturing and nurturing a personal sense of peace and agency while living in this world on fire.

All right, Shannon, welcome as we take the helm. We're so happy that you're with us today.

00:01:20

Thank you so much for having me.
Shannon, you are a night owl. I can't imagine what your life is like performing on stage until the wee hours of the morning. What is that like? That are nine to fivers.

00:01:32
Well, it's just when you are a self employed working artist, the hours do sort of tend later when you're doing performances, but creative time tends later for me, too. It's nighttime that I come alive with all my creative juices for songwriting and production and recording and stuff, too. So even when we're not, like, in touring season, even at home, my husband and I, and we're both naturally night owls anyway, so we are thwarting conventions left and right and doing things differently than the normal waking hours of the population.

That's wonderful. I love it. Okay. I want to go back because we're starting to hone in on children's emotional well being. Right. And you've been through so much on your life, but let me first go into the musical talent. When did you first discover that you had it? How old were you and what was that like?

00:02:21
Gosh, okay. Well, I started doing music when I was very young. My mom put me in piano lessons when I was four years old, and so I studied classical piano all through my youth until I graduated high school when I was in my teenage years. And I always loved singing also. That was always part of my life. In my teenage years, I started sort of experimenting a little bit with songwriting. I didn't have really any confidence, though, that I was any good at songwriting or singing. There were a couple of people who sort of gave me nudges that as I look back now, I realized how significant those nudges were. I grew up going to church. I'm no longer a religious person, but the music minister at my church when I was in high school, I showed him this little song I had written, and he was a really good musician, like, studied at a conservatory. He printed up my song on sheet paper as sheet music, and I saw it there in black and white, my own song. And he ended up teaching the song to our congregation, which was a massive endorsement of, I think this is good. Right. That was a really pivotal moment for me. And then before my senior year of high school, my choir teacher at school had said to me, hey, I'd like for you to audition for the small 16 voice choir. And I'm like, Me, are you sure you're talking to the right person?

Me?
And he's like, you're going to have to quit cheerleading, but you can audition for our choir. And that was just such a big as I look back on that now, I didn't have a lot of confidence. I think it stemmed in part from the codependency that I was learning as a young kid. Growing up in the environment that I was growing up in, I didn't look to my own strengths. I didn't know how to look to my own strengths or to make decisions that I wanted to make as a kid. Right. Because I was so focused on the needs of others and keeping the peace and all the things that you do when you develop codependency as a young person, really. It wasn't until after college that I began exploring what it would look like to do music in a semi professional way. I started a band with a friend, and we learned together how to make recordings and book shows and perform live and eventually go on tour. It was in my 20s, really, that I began to sort of understand that I had talent to do this. And a lot of people have talent, but I also had a real drive to do it. I really had a calling or a passion for it as well. Like, I really wanted this to be my life, and turns out that's pretty necessary because it's a hard life. It's a life that requires being dedicated and recommitting yourself to it over and over and over and over again. So that dedication, that sense of calling and passion really comes in handy when you have to recommit as you do.

00:05:18
I have a different perspective, but it's just so intriguing to me because my father is a musician for years and years and years.

Right.

Yeah. He just wrote a book about it, actually, for the family. Kind of a private thing, but absolutely incredible to me. And the way he explains it. Shannon, you can explain it. And I'm so much more eloquently, I'm sure, is the adrenaline, the energy that you must feel from the crowd drives you. I can't imagine what that must be like.

Yeah. There are times where it's adrenaline and it's that thing. What I have learned for myself, and I'm now 48 years old. I've been doing this for a very long time. Over 25 years, I've been doing music. What I have learned sustains me and keeps me wanting to come back is that music and shared art experiences in general, but music specifically, because that's what I do is it's a wonderful door to connection. It's a really wonderful door to making deeper connections with ourselves and with other people. And so that's what keeps me coming back to it. To be able to be in a room with people and to share the music that I've made and share the stories behind it and all of that. The real juicy part for me isn't so much like, this feels great. It's a, wow. Aren't we doing something cool together and making something in this space that is unique in time and space forever and ever, right. That connection that we have together is really neat.

00:06:42
And your songwriting is personal stories, stories of pain and suffering and growth and healing.

Yeah, that's also a big driver for me. There is room in the world for broken hearted love songs, and I have done those, and there is room in the world for just songs, for entertainment sake. But what I'm interested in doing as a songwriter is writing about my real experiences as a person who is constantly learning, healing, growing, and wanting to share that experience with people in my community again, hopefully as a door. As a way to hold the door open for other people who want and need those kinds of experiences in their lives, too, to be able to walk through and access that for themselves.

00:07:28

My gosh, what's the word I want right now? I've got goosebumps. People connect in different ways. Right? I want to go back to what you said earlier, just a little personal experience about each one of us, every single one of us who's listening and watching right now. The difference you can make to one person by a sentence, by a word, by an affirmation, by some time, cheering them on. I got my love for writing in grade seven when I entered a book contest in elementary school. It was called my family house. My mother typed it on the old typewriter. I did the illustrations that I won first, second, and third place. I don't think anybody else entered, honestly. But that teacher librarian took me to lunch and she just made me feel like, wow, I am a writer. I can do this. That person, one person. Look at the difference they've made to you, to me. And I'm sure everyone who's listening out there has a story to tell. And if they don't, then let's do the reciprocal. Pay it forward, and you'll make that happen for someone else 100%.

Yeah. So important.

00:08:29

Now, you've been touring for ten years, so how has that changed for you over time?

Right, well, for the last decade, for the first part of the last decade, my husband and I did exclusively house concerts, so we would travel around the country for three to four months every year. I live in the United States, so we would travel. We actually did a couple of shows in Canada. I should mention we were in Vancouver. Yeah. But we would go and we would do set up shows in people's living rooms and backyards. I just mentioned how I love music as a way to create connection with people doing music in people's homes, with their communities of friends, neighbors, family, colleagues in their living rooms, in their backyards. It's a magical setting for sharing that kind of experience with other humans. And so we were very fortunate to be able to do that for the first part of the last decade. Prior to that, I had toured in regular venues clubs, coffee houses, things like that. I've did laughs around the country in my little Volkswagen Jetta, doing that forever and ever. But the pandemic sort of put a screeching halt to the house concert touring. And in the last couple of years, we had to reinvent what our model looked like at first. We did one summer of virtual house concerts, essentially house concerts on Zoom. We did 50 of them with people who hosted and invited their friends. It was needed for that time. It was unique to 2020, and I hope you never have to do it again. And after that, we found ourselves in sort of the cocoon of pandemic time, being sort of awakened with new imaginations of what we wanted our touring life to look like after the pandemic was over. And so we've been redeveloping sort of that whole thing. And we're doing, actually, our very first the debut concert of the Good to Me show in a theater in Sacramento, California, next month. Yes. It's the dream. That is what we have been imagining for the last couple of years, and we've been iteratively making it happen step by step, and the first one is actually happening next month. I'm very excited. So we're looking to make a big shift in our touring life and pulling the shows out of backyards and into proper adult theater spaces where we can just do some wow stuff for our audiences, which is going to be a lot of fun.

00:11:06

All right, well, I got to find a way to get to Sacramento in a month. Oh, my goodness. I want to support you in any way I can. We'll talk about how we can do that at the end of the show. All right, let's talk about your newest album, Good to Me.

So a little background. I've been writing and recording a full length studio album every year for the last decade. It's just been a lot of we would make an album, go out on tour, tell the stories, sing the songs for people, do it again for ten years in a row. And so I was approaching time to start writing my next record at the end of 2021, beginning of 2022, and finding myself absolutely sapped. I did not have tapped was that the right word? Sapped. I didn't have any creative energy at all. And the reason for it is that I was at that time, consumed by the state of the world. I was dealing with so much anxiety, fear, anger, and it would keep me up at night. Just all the stuff that's been happening. We were still pretty deep into the pandemic at that time. I think the Almacron variant was making its way around North America in here in the United States. We had just previously that year had an attempted coup on our government. Insane. And all of the attendant divisiveness and strife that goes along with that. Not to mention there's news left and right about changes happening with the climate. And here in Washington State, we had weeks and weeks of smoke. We couldn't go outside and breathe the air in 2020, you know, like and yeah, floods, fires, you know, like and so I just was inundated with all of this news and information about the state of the world and feeling all the feelings about that and had nothing left inside of me to make music. I couldn't figure out how I was going to create anything from that state of my spirit. And it occurred to me I have a long background in Twelve Step Recovery and in a program called Codependence Anonymous, and it's a program that saved my life some 18 years ago when I began it. And it occurred to me, while Twelve Step Recovery is a part of my daily life and has been for all of those 18 years, it occurred to me that I was not living with the kind of serenity that I know is possible when I'm really digging into that work. And so I decided what I would do is get into an intentional deep dive back into some of the principles from my Twelve step recovery specifically centered around this saying that we have at the beginning of all of our meetings, which we call the serenity Prayer. And I know prayer can be a tricky word for some people, and it was for me when I first joined the program because I was leaving religion and wanting to seek healing elsewhere. But it's the serenity Prayer and God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And I didn't have serenity in my life. And I knew that I wanted to take a deeper dive into those concepts to figure out how to get back in touch with my own sense of peace and how to get back in touch with my own sense of personal power in these circumstances in which I felt so very powerless.

00:15:26

And God can let's call it the universe, let's call it whatever we call it, whatever works, whatever brings us peace and joy and serenity in each of our lives, we have to find it. And I just want to jump in and say there are so many of us that are right there with you during that time, Shannon. I mean, all of the negativity and the craziness, I think we're in a better place. We're getting there. But it's because of people like you, the voices that we're hearing that are rising us up and saying, enough of that, enough of that.

That is in the past. We're moving forward. It is so sweet of you to say that. I honestly want to say, though, I think it's because of people like us and people like us who are reclaiming our lives from this crazy time that we've been in, who are reclaiming our own healing who are reclaiming our own peace, who are reclaiming our own power to make something better here. Because it doesn't have to be this way. We can do so much better and.

00:16:21

We can make changes for ourselves.

Yes. And that's where it starts. That is where it starts. Yeah.
Okay, so oh, wow, this is going to be tricky. But everybody continue listening because at the end of our conversation, we're going to play one of the songs from Shannon's album, good. To me. It's going to be tough to choose, but we're going to pick one for you.

00:16:41
We can do it. We can do it. Yeah. And so when I mentioned that, I went into that sort of like intentional deep dive for myself, that's where the songs on this album came from. So I actually wrote this album in chronological order. As you listen, if you listen from song one to song ten, you will be taking a musical journey through my own personal journaling, journey through topics of okay, what are the circumstances I'm facing that are robbing me in my piece? Let's really name them. Okay. What are my coping, my go to coping mechanisms? To deal with the sorry.

00:17:17
Yeah.

There you go. Good for you. It's the word that I can't think of to deal with emotions. Okay, so what are my go to coping mechanisms to deal with that stimulus? Are those coping mechanisms working for me? Are they failing me? How are they what do I need to do in terms of acknowledging what is in my power to change and what is not? Let's make a list of things I don't have the power to change, and then let's practice radical acceptance around those things which frees me then to focus on the things I do have the power to change. Let's make another list. Turns out that list is pretty scary, actually. When you realize that there are a whole bunch of things that you do have the power to change in your life and in your circumstances, it requires a lot of courage to actually act on those things, right? So that's where the summoning courage comes in. And so the journey of the album is the journey that I took in my own spirit to reclaim that sense of peace and power in my life. And my hope is that when people listen to it, that it will give them an opportunity to reflect on their own circumstances, reflect on their own lives in a way that helps them get access to their own peace and power too.

00:18:30

But it certainly has done that for me.

That's wonderful to hear. Thank you.

And I love differentiating between I can't control this, I can't put it aside. Put it aside. And focusing I call it conscious decision making. I'm consciously deciding that this is where my energies are going to go. This is where my focus is going to go. And I can't wait to share your music, Shannon.

00:18:51
Thank you. Thank you. Well, what you just described there, that's power, right? When you have a direction, I'll say we because it's something that we all do, right? But when we can clear out, like, there are so many things that I think I was trying to in my my failed coping mechanisms of of staying in that place of anger and fear, I found that so much of them, so much of my coping mechanisms were about sort of stoking that anger and fear. Because if I'm not angry about all this injustice, then maybe I'm not doing enough, I'm not engaged enough, right? But who am I angry at? I'm angry at these other people whose actions really piss me off.

But it turns out I can't do anything about what another person comes back to, doesn't it?

Right. So that was on my list of things I had to let go of, right? Once I could let go experience that or choose, really that radical acceptance of things I don't have the power to change, then there is space to listen to what I need, what is important to me, and to choose to act on those things, that's power. It's what you just described. When we choose to act, we choose to direct ourselves in this way on this path because these are the things I do have the power to change that is so powerful. And I really believe that when we act in our power, when we stand and act in our power in that way, it's not a matter of belief. I know it because I've experienced it. That brings me peace. That brings my spirit a sense of serenity. When I am choosing to focus on the things that I can change in my life, when I'm listening to the needs and values of my own spirit and acting according to that, that brings me peace. I'm living in harmony with myself. I'm doing things actively that meet needs that I'm feeling in my life. I might not be able, and I'm not going to be able to change the broad strokes of the big problems that are happening. Right. Those are still going to persist. But the really cool thing is that the more of us that do this small, quiet work, I think we start to see each other, we recognize each other. I see you over there doing your work. Let's join forces. And honestly, I really believe that that moment is the smallest little building blocks of actually changing the bigger, broader picture.

00:21:26
I want to jump in because the synergy here is really remarkable to me. I think the he double toothpick, I could probably say the word, but whatever that we went through, all through COVID, and even prior to that, the mental health and everything that was on the rise, people really, really struggling, the fear mongering, the stuff that happened over those two years, I think we're on the opposite side now. And saying, all right, we got through that. That's never happening again. And as you said, Shannon, if we take back personal control, that synergy of all of us coming together, you call it intuitiveness, call it spirituality, call it that connective energy, whatever it is, is going to rise us up and put that in the past so it never, never happens again. And it's going to take some time. But I think the power of us all united, those voices, those positive powers, powers, positive voices that are saying, enough is enough. This is what I have control of and this is what I'm going to do, has the potential to take that pendulum and throw it out the can a pendulum be thrown out a window? Okay, whatever.

00:22:28

I think it can today, for sure.

Anything is possible, right?
Yeah, absolutely.

00:22:34

Well, and I think about specifically the work that you're doing in helping people understand how to best help children with their emotional healing and their emotional growth. I don't have children. My husband and I are blissfully childless in our middle age. But I love children. But when I think about the power that parents have, the power that teachers have, the power that any adult person who has a younger person in their life has to help influence and teach them how to access their own peace and power as little people, then we're growing a new generation of people who will be able to do that with more efficacy than maybe we have been able to in our generation.

00:23:20

The Power of Thought. Oh my gosh. And I think about little people and you know what? The feedback I've gotten from the children's book series that I've written with my niece around, giving those kids, just like you said, those tools, is we don't know them ourselves. When I grew up, okay, I'm older than you, but yes, sad, happy, mad. We felt emotions but one or two at a time. My niece, who's a social worker, describes it in an amazing way. She said it's like a power box and everything's all coming in at once and it pops. The fuses are popping because the kids can't manage it. So how do we help them unless we learn some of these new strategies ourselves and model for them. So that's the power of the synergy and this younger generation that's going to come up. And they already are the 20 year olds. My gosh, what they're learning to do and what they're saying no to and what that? They're taking charge of the majority of them. Wow. Look out, look out. I'm thrilled about it all.

00:24:15

Yeah, as they say, the kids are all right.

But yeah, we’ve got to get them really challenging time in this world.

And what I mean by that is that the kids are doing great. They really have a lot to teach us. They do. Absolutely.

My niece is in her early thirty s, and I have learned so much in co writing these children's books series with her self compassion. I don't even know what that word meant prior to working with her. It was like, I'm a type A personality. It's got to be this way or that way. But anyway, I digress. Okay, Shannon, how can we support you? What can we do to push you along and give you the synergy and the voice and the energy and the following that you already have, but let's rise it up even more.

00:25:00

You are so sweet to ask. I mean, first of all, listen to the music everywhere you stream music. My new album is out there in the world, so I can give you a link to sort of a clearing house of all the streaming services if you want to share that with your people. If you listen on Spotify, Apple Music, wherever it is you'll find it. Listen and enjoy. And it's a gift to me every time somebody invites the work that I've made into their ears and into their heart. So that's the number one way that you can be supportive. If you want to dig a little deeper. I have written a book that goes along with this album as well. The book is really just my journal entries that I wrote that became the songs on this album cleaned up so that it's not just cat scratch in a journal, but they've been turned into essays for this book. So for each song on the album, there is an essay and a set of journal, the same journal prompts that I gave myself to write. Those entries are available to readers of the book as well. If this is a journey that you feel like you want to take for yourself, you'll find those in the book. So the Good to Me book is available on Amazon.

00:26:06

What a beautiful way to share the journey from the first time you write it and then the editing. I'm envisioning some of this. You can see the process, your thinking process as you took the song to publication, if that's the word or the book. The book, the song together. I think it's brilliant.

Yeah. So those are two great ways that folks can engage with what I'm doing. And feel free to drop a line and say hi anytime. I've got a website, Shannon Curtis net and there's a contact information there and I'd love to hear from you.

00:26:38
And we can look forward to more touring dates being added on, maybe some closer to Michigan.

Yes. We're doing this first pilot show and then we hope to bring this show to theaters around the North America and Europe. Actually, we're planning some shows in Europe later this year.

00:26:53

Oh, wow. That's awesome. I love the term pilot show. Right? Because that's what you do. You try it, you see what works, what doesn't work. But my guess is, and tell me if I'm wrong, you're the one who's been performing for all of these years. Every place has a different kind of atmosphere and tradition to it, does it not? You kind of have to figure out

Yeah. There's a lot of adaptability required to come into a space and figure out how you're going to perform your stuff in that space. Yes, for sure. So we're on our toes all the time.

00:27:23
OK Shannon, I wrote down something that I reminded myself I have to share. And this is a quote from you and I when we were having our get to know you call. I just thought it was so powerful. You said, the power of our emotions, it can either fuel you or it can wrap you around the axles. And you were talking about your own self. I thought, wow, fuel me or I'm wrapped up in the axles. How powerful. What a great visualization. Yeah.

00:27:57

Wrapped around the axle is how I felt at the beginning of facing this. I have to write an album of songs. How am. I going to do this because my feelings, my reactions to the world, the state of the world, were they were wrapping me around the axle. I couldn't get myself unwound from them. And the the continual motion of, like, more bad stuff that keeps happening.

00:28:18

Right.

However, when I haven't gone through this process, it occurred to me again, I relearned this idea that my feelings are the most powerful force in my life. I can choose to let them wrap me around the axle, or I can choose to listen to them in a way that helps me know how I should act. What do I need to do to meet needs I'm feeling? What do I need to do? How do I need to act in order to live according to the values that I hold and so rediscovering that my feelings are the most powerful force in my life. But for good was one of the most healing moments in this journey for me. Because so often those feelings, like when they wrap me around the axle, they feel like they're out of control or that I am at the tail end of a whip, that they are just whooshing around in space. And that feels so jarring. I feel completely powerless in my life. And when that's the mode or the relationship I have with my feelings, but when I can view them as these beautiful little messengers who have very important information for me, little bursts of emotional Morse code that say, hey, Shannon, you're feeling this because you need this. Hey, Shannon, you're feeling this because this is really important to you. That is valuable information. When I can identify the feelings, what is that decode? The message that they're bringing me that gives me power to act in ways that strengthen me, that heal me, that make me feel more at peace in myself in these circumstances, that are still out of control and make me feel more powerful in my life.

00:30:16

And imagine children can do that. We can teach children to do that. It's fine to see I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm frustrated, I'm angry to increase that emotional vocabulary. But it's so much bigger than that. First of all, why am I feeling that way? And that's hard. We have to teach them how to do that by modeling it ourselves. I am really angry right now. And then you look can you tell that I'm angry? Look at my face. Look at my I'm really angry. And then why? And then model for them. What you said decoding is now what am I going to do about it? So there's a positive outcome to it. I think it's brilliant what you're sharing with us, Shannon, and wow, the power of what you can help children learn how to do through their parents, through educators, through anyone who will model for them. I thank you. My goodness.

00:31:01

Thank you. Thank you so much for letting me share this with you. It's been really special.

So it's not over yet because we're going to share one of Shannon's songs. Shannon, based on our conversation today, which one do you think is the most powerful and most relevant to what we've been talking about?

I think given just this most recent conversation, the song the silence is what I'd love to share with you and your listeners. It's a song about not being afraid to get still and listen to what you're feeling and to know that you can trust those messengers that are coming up in the form of feelings. I wasn't taught to trust my feelings as a kid. I was not taught that I could trust myself as a kid. That is something that I've had to learn as an adult, and it's a muscle that I keep needing to exercise as an adult to keep it in shape. But The Silent C is a song about just getting still and tuning in to what it is that I'm feeling to get those messages about what I need and what's important to me and that that's the root of my power.

00:32:22
All right, so we'll put a link in the show notes. You're going to be able to find Shannon, follow her, cheer her on with all of her music and support her in any way that you feel that you can. So with that, here’s The Silent Sea.

The Song, “The Silent Sea” is playing from Shannon’s Album, “Good To Me”.

Very inspirational. We are honing in now on the topic specifically of children's emotional well-being, which means ours as adults as well. Our guest in two weeks’ time, Anna Esparham, is a certified physician in pediatrics at Mercy hospital. She runs a sleep clinic. She helps children with headaches and youth with headaches. And she's going to teach us some specific strategies that we can begin to use for ourselves and model for our own children. Stay healthy and safe, everyone, and we'll see you in two weeks.

Thanks for tuning in and posting your review of taking the helm on your favorite platform. We'll give you a shout out in a future episode to be inspired by people who are steering us in the right direction. Go to https://lynnmclaughlin.com/ where you can search previous guests by the topic of your choice. And while you're there, download Lynn's gift. There's more than one way to get through a crisis.

PAT BUTLER | UNPACKING THE GRIEf OF DIVORCE. THANKS FOR LEAVING ME!

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And it's time to take the helm. If you're in the midst of a divorce, Pat Butler is joining us today, and she's written a book called thanks For Leaving Me. Stay tuned.

Are you facing a crisis in your life or business? It's time to steer yourself in the right direction through the real experiences, passion and courage of our guests who are taking the helm. With your host, Lynn McLaughLynn .

00:00:30

It's my pleasure to introduce Pat Butler. After 40 years of marriage, her husband Left her, and she has written a book, as I said in the intro, called thanks For Leaving Me, as well as a journal to help people through divorce. We have so much to talk about. Hi, Pat. And thanks for joining us from Toronto to take the helm with us today.

00:00:50

Thank you so much for inviting me to chat with you, Lynn.

Well, I have to tell you, I was so intrigued when I heard about the title of your book, thanks For Leaving Me, and I thought, well, that's interesting. How do you thank someone for walking away? So, let's start with that, Pat, what happened in your life that just totally shocked you and took you aback?

00:01:11
Well, I had a very happy life with a very nice husband and wonderful children and so on. And my career, I don't know if you want to know about it, but I'll throw in the back, of course. I was a physics and math teacher originally. Stayed home with my kids for five years. I did a master's in education, got into training consulting, and we retired. I retired in 2006, and my husband retired in 2005, and we started traveLynng the world. And then in 2009, he connected with somebody and pulled the plug on the marriage after only two months of knowing this woman.

Oh, my goodness.
And after 41 years of marriage, it was quite a shock. And anyway, I survived, as one does. Our separation happened really relatively quickly. Within five months, we were separated, learned to live alone, and then married again in 2014 when I found a wonderful new husband. Now, in 2016, I felt moved to sit on my back deck with all my journals that I had been writing in during my separation and write a book. And out came. Thanks for reading me. My first version was all over the place because I didn't want to give away family secrets. But then I took a course at University of Toronto, and I hired my professor as my writing coach and editor, and she really helped me tighten things up. So we call it an embellished memoir embellished and something still protected, I would think.

00:02:52

Yes. There's Marriage One, which is about what happened with my first husband. And I did various things to change his identities and things that happened with us. But the second chapter is called Recovery. Third one is marriage, too. And everything that happened in those two areas is absolutely. The way it happened, except for the names and the reason I wrote it, was because I was in my late 60s when this happened. And I know a number of women and men who, when they find themselves by them alone later in life, they just give up and say, oh, well, I'm just going to play a lot of golf. I'm going to do a lot of drinking. There are many, many wonderful things left in life. And so that's why I did. Thanks for leaving me. Now, it got into the hands I got into the hands of David Frankel, who's a young divorce lawyer in Toronto. He'd written an article about divorce in the Global Mail, sent him a copy. He loved it. He started recommending it to his friend, his clients, rather, and because they found it helpful and inspiring.

00:04:05

Oh, my goodness. Let me just go back to that. Because I interrupted you there.

I just can't imagine what the grieving process must have looked like. And I'm sure there's still a point where there's regret. No.

Oh, I still miss him terribly. I mean, I wouldn't say that I'm in loving them anymore, but I particularly find my children's birthdays difficult. Of course, when they were born, they were both born in November. It's a togetherness thing. You makes the babies and you bring them home and you bring them up, particularly when they had milestone birthdays, like turning 40 and turning 50. My goodness. I felt sad for a day. But I have learned, and this is part of my training from my masters in education, I've learned the importance of living when sadness and giving myself permission to go for a long walk by myself or something like that, or do some writing to let myself live my sadness and grief. Because it's the only way it's ever going to stop affecting my mood.

00:05:16
So for someone who's in the midst of this right now, just separated, just getting the shocking news that you did, what's a guiding piece of advice you would give them, because that time has just got to be so how do you start to get bearings again?

Well, may I mention my second book? Of course, yes.

00:05:38

That was going to be my next question.

But don't be careful. My new book, which I ended up writing with David Frankel, this young lawyer I referred to, is a workbook. It's called my divorce journal. A Guided Path to Moving Forward. Now, the way it came about because and the reason I immediately think about chapter one when you ask me that question, about the upheaval. I was going to have lunch with David at the very beginning of COVID and it was canceled for obvious reasons. And I said, Darn, I wanted to tell you about this idea I have for a workbook, because I had done some seminars on divorce recovery called Suddenly Single, which he knew about, and he sent his clients to and I've done that four times, four sessions in each, and I've done it four times. And I decided I had enough looking backwards and I wanted to start looking forward and putting something down and writing that I didn't have to live through. When you're doing a seminar, you're very, very involved. Of course. And when he heard my idea, I said, I'm thinking of taking some of the exercises from my seminars and putting them into a workbook. I can grade two arithmetic workbook. And he said, May I be your co author?

00:07:00

Oh, my gosh. What an honor. What an honor. I was absolutely thrilled because he being a divorce lawyer, he knows all the legal side. And so we've written this book together without seeing each other face to face at all. Exactly. We got the book we had thanks to Working from Home, and so we've divided it into there are five chapters, and the first one is called first of all, I'll just read to you the names of the chapters. If you don't mind reacting to upheaval, then Managing Logistics, which involves sharing the news with family and friends, taking Care of Your Children, how to Tell the Children About What's Happening. Part four is navigating your feeLynngs after the dust settles. And number five is moving forward. And in number five, we talk about if you do decide that you want to find another partner, whether it's a live in person or just a casual dating, we give dos and don'ts about how to make that happen. Brilliant. So the reacting to Upheaval is the part that I found the hardest because in my own situation, my sons were married, living in different parts of the country, and funny things started to happen at home. And I confronted him and found there were things going on. And so that was an extremely difficult time, because once you open the door on a piece of information like, I think our marriage is ending, it's a heavy thing. And there's a lot of grieving.

 
00:08:47

I would say we have didn't mention in this workbook. We have 83 exercises and three worksheets. And at the end of every chapter you do a worksheet, and one of them is called Checking My Emotional Pulse.

You know what? I love it. I love it. I love it. After I had my brain tumor, right, my surgery a year later, I developed writing prompts from my journals. I think it's just really interesting, the connection that you use journals right from the beginning to take you on this Pathway to helping so many people who are going through such a it's traumatic. It's a traumatic time in their life. So you mentioned one of the chapters, Being Children, and we are about to really hone in on taking the helm to the niche of children's emotional well being. We're working in the background to make that happen within the next few weeks. Huge, huge launch coming up and I'm a child of divorce right? Of divorced parents. I've got stepbrothers, I've got stepsisters, stepmom and dad all that kind of stuff happening on because they both chose to remarry and ages of children matter a great deal as well. So talk to me about that chapter and what guiding words you have for parents who are trying to support their children right now through this.

00:10:05

Well the first thing we recognize is that we divide children into two categories dependent and independent. So dependent children, they may be in your twenty s and they're off at university but if they come home and live under your life, under your roof at all, then we consider them dependent children and then independent children. Now an error that I made myself because as I said earlier both of my sons were married. It never occurred to me to reach out to them and say how are you getting on? Like what do you think about all this news? I never gave them an opening. It took me about eight months before in doing some reading it came across the idea that we all as adults need to be given a chance to open our hearts and explain how we're feeLynng about things in order to recover. So we say at the beginning of the chapter we make this division into dependent and independent and those with only independent children might choose to just jump right to the end of the chapter. That's their choice. We have a section on telLynng the children. We have five overarching principles which I would like to share with you. One is that children are innocent. They don't cause the divorce. They didn't contribute to the failed marriage. Principle two children are vulnerable. Principle three children want to know why. They observe an explanation of the breakup. One correlated to their age and that makes sense to them. You're naturally going to use more grownup language with a ten year old and a three year old. Principle four children deserve to know what to expect in the family in the future.

I can imagine the questions going through their minds.

Oh yeah, where am I going to live? Who's going to take care of me? Am I going to have to move away? Do I have to leave my school? Oh my gosh, my friends, all of it.

00:12:08

So all those questions like we give quotes like the exercise, what questions will each child want to ask you? What questions may they be afraid to ask? What questions should you proactively answer. Although they haven't been verbalized, we put a lot of really careful attention into these questions for people to respond to in their own journals, waiting in a blank journal. So principle number four children deserve to know what to expect in the future. Their separation will result in the children's world being changed forever. And principle number five principle five children deserve an apology. May be unable to say you're sorry to your spouse, but your children deserve a heartfelt apology. And then we have a very extensive section which I won't go into right now, but on how to prepare for the conversation. Now, you and your spouse should do this preparing together. And if you're at Locker Heads, it may not be something that he or she particularly feels like being involved in, but it's absolutely crucial. And we go into all kinds of detail about setting the stage, turning off closing all the doors, turning off all the devices and phones and everything and getting everybody's attention. And we give practically a script for people to go through to make sure that the children get their message, get the important message, which is going to be great for them to hear. I know somebody who is actually a family member whose parents divorced when she was eight, and she can tell you right now what she was wearing that day and what he had for dinner that night.

00:13:57

I remember the conversation, too. I do. I remember yeah, when my father came home and yeah, oh, yeah, I remember that vividly. Isn't that how old were you? I was the oldest of four, and I think it was around 13 when the separation actually happened and the divorce came several years later. Pat, I want to go back to what you said about your grown up sons, your married sons, and I've just put my hat on as if I were that child. And I can understand why they didn't vote to the subject with you because they were protecting you. It's their own way of saying, mom's got to deal with this and the way mom wants to deal with it, and she'll talk to us when she wants to talk to us. I think they've they probably were in the protective mode.

00:14:37

They probably were. But it was lovely when I did get around many months later, giving them an opening and to find out their reactions. Now, they have worked very hard on being loyal to their father, and this is something which an outsider might say, oh, my goodness, given what happened. But there's a very important principle to divorce that I have come to embrace, which is when a divorce happens, there's a little bit of blame on each person's side. Nobody is blameless. And the thing is that when you are the one who's being left, you and your friend gather around and they say, oh, isn't he terrible? But there must have been things which I put up with as a spouse that annoyed me, that I didn't want to raise. I've always been a very non confrontational person, the way I was brought up, and so it was my husband, and so I realized now I should have expressed my own needs and wants in a more clear way than I did. So the fact is that with my sons and grandchildren, I have five. I want to always treat my ex with friendLynness when we're nearby each other, which we are periodically, once in a blue moon I don't ever want. And I got this help from the therapist at the very beginning. She said, Pat, the tone that you set around interactions with your ex is going to last a lifetime.

00:16:24

And for your children and your grandchildren, and they will know it, and they will sense it absolutely if you start. Criticizing him even in the most passive aggressive way, throwing out little comments about, oh, isn't this terrible because of bubble. And I took that really to heart and I've lived it the whole time and I must say it has paid off.

And those conversations, those difficult conversations need to happen outside of the presence of children. Those are private conversations. Right? Well, I commend you in making this available for people who are in the midst of a really trying time of their lives and putting children in their own mental health and well being at the forefront. You mentioned in our previous conversation another resource that she discovered that you want to talk about

00:17:10

Yes. I came across a book by a man named William Bridges, and it's called Transitions making Sense of Life's Changes. And he describes, he says with every transition and they can be a negative thing like a divorce or a death in the family, or a positive, like moving across the country, or starting a new career, or moving into a new house. And in every time you have a major transition in your life, there are three stages. There is endings, then the neutral zone and then new beginnings. And when you think of it, if you were suppose you're living in a house that you bought early in your marriage and then you are now moving 300 miles away, the endings going around and saying goodbye to the house and thinking reliving the time you brought a baby home to it and all that kind is really quite wonderful. So we discussed these three things. David and I have used his model and we have a graphic and we use this model in the book a lot. And that the part that really surprised me in my research and in my own recovery is the neutral zone. The middle part because we're incLynned when you're feeLynng sad, oh, I know, I'm going to go and get myself a new car. The neutral zone is all about drifting and letting yourself drift, go off by yourself. And the wonderful thing about the neutral zone is the source of self renewal when we need it. Just the way an apple tree needs the cold of winter. I love that you need to let yourself absolutely turn into a ball, turn off your phone, ignore people. I'm not saying permanently, but maybe over a weekend. I personally went off to Stratford, Ontario when I was going through a very bad time and one of my early womans went poof. I went off to Stratford, Ontario, got myself single seats, which are very easy to do at the last minute. Barely spoke to anybody else in the bed and breakfast. I stayed in. I didn't even really say much to the owner. And I realized afterwards that I was in the neutral zone. But when I got home, I didn't even take my cell phone with me, believe it or not, for those three days. It was over July 1, 2011, and when I got home, I was creeping back. I'd let my emotions go into this cold that the apple trees need. It's beautiful.

00:19:58

And to me, and I might be wrong, but we've all had difficult times in our lives. We've all had Craces. Right? That neutral zone has got to be the toughest part. It's the toughest part because you have to find your new way.

And we go into quite a lot of in the book, we go into quite a lot of detail and suggestions about things that you might do in this neutral zone, but just recognizing that it happens. Now, I have heard you say, Lynn, that you are a Type A personality, and I'm very much a Type A personality as well. And those of us who fit that category just want to get on with things. Okay, all right, this is happening. Let's go to know I've been looking this is why it was so important for me to understand this concept, and I want the world to know about it.

And, you know, an awful moment for me was I don't remember who I was speaking to. I think I was in a collaborative network at one point. And if you're a go go, do do do do person, you really need to pause and ask yourself, Why?

00:20:56

Yes.
Why aren't you embracing some moments of peace and quiet and being present and walking?
Why? Why do you feel the need to be go go going and do do doing all the time? I'll just leave with that question. Oh, boy. All right, where can people find you and your books?

00:21:17

Well, I have a website which is called Fresh Startpress. All. One word. Fresh start. Press. And I've got thanks for Leaving Me is on there. And also my divorce journal, both of those books. And then there's a historical fiction that I've written as well, which has nothing to do with Fresh Start. But these books are available through Amazon all over the world, and in Canada, Indigo, and so that's where people can join them.

Let me just ask you a quick question because we're in the midst of my co author and I making a decision. Ours are available in French. Are you thinking about translating to any other languages? Because we're considering Arabic and Spanish as well.

I think we need to watch our numbers grow a little more than that in order to make it worthwhile. We have had wonderful kudos from five experts in the field, which we sent the manuscript to. The one on the COVID reads a top of the list guidebook for separating and divorcing parents. And that is said by Barbara Fiddler, PhD, cLynnical developmental psychologist. And she trains judges and lawyers about child custody issues.

00:22:39

Oh, perfect. She has given us this big advanced praise, which is wonderful. And then there's more inside once and but David and I recognize that this is a marathon, not a sprint, getting into the world. And over time, like, maybe in a year, we might consider it going into another language. But we're still in the early stages.

I love to ask fellow authors these questions. There's different perspectives. I still appreciate you joining us today.

Well, thank you so much for I really am thrilled to be chatting with you, Lynn, and I wish you well in your new what's the word? Mode focus on mental health of children. I think it's hugely important right now.

00:23:24

Thank you very much and thanks for speaking about children today as well. Thanks.

Next week's guest is Cindy Tank Murphy. She's the best selLynng author of the book called The Strength to Live finding, HeaLynng and Hope after a Loss from Suicide. The book guides us through the darkness that she felt after losing her father to suicide. She's also going to be speaking about her first hand experience of supporting her daughter through mental health struggles. Be healthy and safe everyone, and we'll see you in two weeks time on Taking the Home.

Thanks for tuning in and posting your review of Taking the Home on your favorite platform. We’ll give you a shoutout in a future episode. To be inspired by people who are steering us in the right direction. Go to lynnmclaughlin.com where you can search previous guests for the topic of your choice. And while you're there, download Lynn's gift. There's more than one way to get through a crisis.