Conscious, positive choices
Yet, there is conflict, too often. Whatever our profession is, conflict is part of life. Not only in the professional world, but in our own homes. Aren’t conflicts a good thing? Shouldn’t they drive us to discussions and deeper understandings of the issue and possible resolutions? Without them, how would any organization move forward? Differences of opinion are wonderful and needed, but when we react and don’t use the tools at our disposal, the end result is increased worry, stress levels and negative affects on our own health. How do we take personal control and rise above it?
As an educator for 31 years, I loved my career. The concrete evidence of the direct impact I had on my students drove me forward every day, regardless of what role I was in. That’s what it’s all about, and should be.
Yet, there is conflict, too often. Whatever our profession, conflict is part of life. Not only in the world of work, but in our own homes. Aren’t conflicts a good thing? Shouldn’t they drive us to discussions and deeper understandings of the issue and possible resolutions? Without them, how would any organization move forward? Differences of opinion are wonderful and needed, but when we react and don’t use the tools at our disposal, the end result is increased worry, stress levels and negative affects on our own health. How do we take personal control and rise above it?
Awareness. The first step to facing conflict has to be becoming aware of our personal responses in any given situation. Do we engage in the negative dialogue in the lunchroom and perpetuate the downward spiral? Do we complain about co-workers, family members or neighbours? Do we argue with our partners over things that are inconsequential? Why do we initiate or engage in negativity?
What if? What if the next time someone tries to pull us into their own conflict, we choose to not engage? Do we choose to not enter that downward spiral? Do we choose to become aware that participating may have negative consequences? What if we could become aware that our own actions could be the cause of conflict before it even starts? I’m not suggesting we walk away from issues that matter, but how much of the stress in our lives is avoidable by conscious choice?
Over the holidays my husband and oldest son began a conversation about the pros and cons of proportional representation in Canadian politics. They are polar opposites, and needless to say, they each spoke their piece. I caught myself wanting to jump in, getting upset over some of the arguments that went against what I believed was right. I entered “defensive mode,” so to say. Because I caught myself, I immediately made a decision to not engage, but to listen and ask questions. I listened to understand, stopping myself from becoming upset. It made a difference. The conversation continued while I agreed to disagree with some, but not all of the points that were made.
I made a conscious decision not to engage and “argue” my points, finding middle ground. My blood pressure stayed steady, with no anger, no stress. I continued to enjoy our time together throughout the evening. No one walked away, upset about something we each care about.
As we move through our day, we can learn to be aware of what we bring to any given situation. We can pause before engaging and consider what other options are at our disposal. We can reset our reactionary mode by learning to be aware and making the conscious choice to rise above what is pulling ourselves and others down. We won’t only decrease our own stress levels, but those around us and maybe, just maybe… change the outcome to a positive one!
Why? I asked myself this question repeatedly ...
Why? Over the past week, I have consciously asked myself this question. Why did I wave off the man behind me who honked because I wasn't moving fast enough in the Tim Horton's drive-through? Why was I upset when my husband asked a simple question? Why, when I was out walking and came across a woman picking up debris on the greenway, did I not ask her name and thank her?
"Why?"
Over the past week, I have consciously asked myself this question. Why did I wave off the man behind me who honked because I wasn't moving fast enough in the Tim Horton's drive-through? Why was I upset when my husband asked a simple question? Why, when I was out walking and came across a woman picking up debris on the greenway, did I not ask her name and thank her?
Asking myself, "Why" is all well and good, but stopping and reflecting on something that could have or should have happened does not change a thing. Or does it? It won't change what happened in that moment, but could it alter our mindset and responses in the future? I think the power in reflection is that we CAN change what we do and how we respond to similar situations.
Perhaps next time someone honks at me because the line is moving too slowly, I smile at them rather than waving them off and purchase their beverage with a kind message. We can be proactive and send positive energy rather than perpetuate the negative. That's exactly what I did in that particular situation. It also bothered me, for quite some time. Did he think by honking I was going to move faster? What was his real intent? What caused him to act in such a way? What stressors was he feeling in that moment? Why did I feed into it? I spent tons of energy kicking myself for what I did. Some may say that's ridiculous because it was no big deal. Perhaps though, that energy in the future, will be celebratory because I rose above it.